The hope of an angry momma bear...

Today is the day we've been waiting for since May 20.  Actually, this dates back way farther than that...like months and months.  Maybe even 9 or 10 months.  

Bryan has been through the ringer. Between the dozen ear infections in 6 months, the reflux, the persistent cough and the bazillion doctor appointments, I am amazed that he hasn't tried to run away yet!  We keep telling ourselves that despite the "concerning" weight loss and frequent typical childhood sickness, we have a really happy little boy.  Not only is he really happy, he's developmentally either right on or slightly ahead of the curve.  You'd never know by spending a day (or a week, or a month) with him that he's been through so much.  Even at his fussiest, he's not nearly as fussy as his otherwise healthy "friends" at daycare.  

Here's the list of what we are really hoping to learn today (emphasis on HOPING):

1. We missed the mark on the dairy "allergy."  There really isn't one and we can start re-introducing dairy products again (or at least soy).
2. We can stop giving him the toddler formula that costs $35 for 8 bottles, smells and tastes like a marshmallow and is 54% corn syrup (no joke. That's what the label indicates!)
3. There is nothing anatomically, or physically "wrong" with Bryan.  The endoscopy tells us that he's totally normal.
4. There are no other food allergies
5. Our kid is just a really picky eater and we will have to keep trying new foods until we find what he loves the most
6. He's gained enough weight that he's back on the growth chart and is no longer considered tiny for his age.  And even if he is tiny, we will just be happy if his growth trajectory is headed in the correct direction!

And here is what we are hoping our doctor will learn today (actually, he will learn this. I am taking a list with me!):

1. When you tell parents that this is an urgent matter and that it cannot wait a month, you must also be prepared to arrange your schedule such that you can follow up with said parents in a reasonable amount of time.  
2. A month later is not a reasonable amount of time.
3. When you tell parents that you will take their call to discuss results so that they don't have to wait a month, you need to provide them with the best way to contact you. 
4. Your medical assistant is not the best way to contact you.
5. When a parent leaves a voice mail for your medical assistant asking questions two days after surgery, they expect a call-back the same day... or at least within 24 hours.
6. When parents don't get called back, they will call again and leave a second message.  They expect a call back within 24 hours.
7. If a parent has to call back a third time on a third day because nobody has returned their call, expect an earful from a pissed off mom.  
8. I am that mom.  Sorry about your luck.
9. If your medical assistant thinks it's OK to not respond to a distressed mom,  you need a new medical assistant. 
10. If you piss of a mom, she'll tell everyone she knows, including the pediatrician and managing physician of the practice that sent her child to you.
11. Make it right by the mom or she'll blog it, hashtag it and make sure the entire area knows how great you are but how lousy your practice is.  Don't expect your "best of the best" award for 2013.

I feel like this doctor is the Wizard of Oz.  He's capable of a lot of awesome stuff, but when you pull back the curtain, he's just a smart man with some fancy machines.  He's no better than we are. He just knows different stuff. But for him to perceptually hold the keys to our kingdom for a month has been tortuous.  Like flying monkeys and wicked witches tortuous.  

But in two hours, everything will be different.  I hope.

Oopss. Sorry about the delay

I think I've opened blogger two dozen times since my last post.  It's been a bit of a whirlwind since then. Some fun stuff, some interesting stuff, some scary stuff.  And most of you know about Bryan's challenges with weight loss (2 lbs in about a month is too much for a baby).  And to be completely honest, if I had blogged as we traveled this extremely bumpy road, I am not sure you would have continued following me.  It has been two months of tears, frustration, trial and error, accomplishments and setbacks.  Two "surgeries" (ear tubes and an endoscopy) and a GI x-ray and we know no more today than we did when this all started at the beginning of April.  And to rehash all of it just makes me sad.  So I am not going to.  Let's consider today a fresh start.  I'll fill you in if we actually learn anything, but in the meantime, let's focus on the good stuff!

Here's a brief description with accompanying picture and/or video that will paint the picture of our lives in the past few months (and believe it or not, they are in chronological order!)

Brown Bear cake turned out pretty well!

new bike

Blocks in a wagon.

first bubbles

digging in!

first cake

coy

cute

curious

not sure what that look is!

best friends

the day of ear tubes

what a ham!

I caught his first steps on video!

love the bunny

Nupboard in the cupboard.

We are almost there

The one year mark.  So much has changed in a year.  The fact that I have locks on my kitchen cabinets makes me giggle a little.  I feel like I am growing along with Bryan...at a similar pace.  The things I used to worry about before I let roll off my shoulders now.  Here's a short list of the things that stressed me out six months ago:

1. Is Bryan eating enough
2. Is he developmentally average
3. Is the floor clean enough
4. Is everything clean enough
5. I am sweaty...I shouldn't hold him
6. Is he sleeping enough
7. Am I doing this right

Here's my take on that list today:

1. He ate. And pushed the bottle/spoon/food away.  Good enough.
2. He's keeping up with the Jones' in his daycare class. Good enough for me!
3. Is the floor dirtier at home than at daycare? If you can't see dirt/debris/dog hair, it's clean enough. I vacuum once a week.
4. Yes. Everything is clean enough. 
5. Yep. I am sweaty. Put a long sleeved t-shirt on and get over it. He'll learn to appreciate what I did to get sweaty.
6. If he sleeps until morning and takes a nap during the day, he's sleeping enough. He'll let me know when he's tired.
7. Who knows what "right" is, and who gets to be the judge of that?  Dumber people than me have raised perfectly wonderful children.  

Overall, I have an extremely happy, generally healthy 12-month old baby boy.  Kids in daycare get sick.  But better now when attendance doesn't matter than when he's 5 and it does.  In 12 months, that kid has had 6 ear infections, several colds, croup, influenza a, gastroenteritis, 2 throat infections (non-strep) and one weird virus that just caused a fever.  That's enough.  I also had all of those things (but only 2 ear infections, and bronchitis twice).  We hear that year two is much easier on the pediatrician co-pay budget.  Here's hoping!  

The best part of all of this.  Bryan has a very keen sense of what he wants and what he does NOT want.  It sure makes our life easier to not have to guess at so much stuff.  And that kid laughs at everything.  Is there any better sound in the world than the laughter of a child?  

Bryan Bear, Bryan Bear...

What do you see?  I see my mommy acting like a crazy person and thinking she's good at art when she really isn't.  That's what I see.

Or something like that.  Wondering what I am talking about?  Remember back to a couple weeks ago when I posted this about my Amazing Bar.  Well, it ended up being a little more complicated than I had envisioned.  Wait, back up... Here's a recap of how my Amazing Bar came crashing down to a height of humbleness because of a hand print.

A couple weekends ago, I decided to run some recon on my ideas for Bryan's birthday party.  Keep in my the guest list includes the three of us and Bryan's four grandparents.  That's it.  Six adults and the birthday boy.  I am planning to execute a "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you See?" theme.  Because I think fondant on a cake is disgusting and not really edible, I thought, "hmmmm...could I put sugar cookies around the cake as decorations?"  Of course you can.  It's my idea. I can do whatever I want to, right!?!?

Well, it took me a while to realize that I was going to have to order cookie cutters, find a recipe for the cookies and the frosting and bake them.  I perused Amazon and the standard cooking websites for the cutters and came up empty. Until I found the Cookie Cutter Company where I could pick and choose individual cutters to find exactly what I wanted.  And they came as expected, were not very expensive and totally worth it.  I found Alton Brown's sugar cookie recipe here and baked them up.  I am thinking that I don't actually care for sugar cookies. These were bland. At best.  But cute!!  Here are the first three I tested with:  Green Frog Green Frog, Red Bird Red Bird and Brown Bear Brown Bear.

The cookies were cute but a little lackluster in the taste department.  But the most valuable lesson I learned:  Ingesting that much food coloring has consequences that can cause unnecessary concern (use your imagination, people... and think: toilet).  So, that idea is a no-go. I may be back on fondant since you shouldn't eat that much food coloring, and nobody eats fondant.

Up next:  The invitations.
Let's start with the idea.  I wanted to take Bryan's hand print in brown finger paint and where his thumb would be, I wanted to put a bear head.  This would make it look like Brown Bear, Brown Bear, right?  Sure.  That prompted four trips to Target and two to Michael's.  I started with brown felt, scissors, brown paint and white note cards.  First mistake...the paint. I needed non-toxic finger paint.  Back to Target.  Second mistake...my scissors were really dull.  Back to Michael's where I picked up a super awesome scrapbooking razor thingie.  Have I mentioned how badly I suck at arts and crafts?  Third mistake...trying to razor cut brown felt into a bear head. Back to Target for brown construction paper.  Fourth mistake...black Sharpie does not do well on white note cards.  Or the other white note card underneath.  Back to Target for Crayola markers.  Fifth mistake... making eyeballs with said Sharpie.  Back to Michael's for googly eyes.  Sigh.

When I finally sat down to make the bear heads, so that I didn't waste perfectly terrible brown felt circle-ish shapes, I used them to make ears and a nose for the bear.  Not to self.  Razor STILL does not work well on felt.  Neither did the super dull scissors.  Louder sigh.  I refuse to go back out at this point.  Don't forget, I am only making 2 invitations.  Seriously.  Just two.  It was now time to assemble the bear heads.  Uh oh.  Being a new mom, I don't have Elmer's in this house.  Nor do I have a hot glue gun.  Or any other adhesive that is intended for arts and crafts rather than permanently bonding something to something else.  So, super glue it is.  Do you know what happens when you super glue two tiny felt bear ears and a tiny felt bear nose to paper?  The glue soaks through.  Do you know what happens when super glue soaks through said brown felt?  It sticks to your fingers.  Do you know what happens when said brown felt is super glued to your fingers?  You laugh hysterically and add Elmers to the grocery list.  Also, you ask for help putting contacts in because for the next 24 hours it looks like you are growing brown hair from your thumb and index fingers.  Loudest sigh EVER.

The bear faces turned out OK.  I traced them from the cover of the book onto tracing paper, then used the razor to cut the tracing paper and construction paper at the same time.  It worked. In hindsight, just plain circles probably would have been cuter.  On to the hand print.

Did you know they don't make brown finger paint?  But thanks to the food coloring fiasco (and the back of the food coloring box), I knew the proportions to mix different colors into brown. So that was great.  What wasn't great?  Getting a 10-month-old baby to flatten out his paint-filled hand to make an obvious looking hand print.  I grossly overestimated Bryan's level of comprehension of the fun this task could be.  Oh, and my kid HATES getting his hands yucky.  A great trait he inherited from me.  Sorry about that, Nuggs.  So, while they didn't quite meet my Amazing Bar, they certainly humbled me.  And the grandparents loved them.  My intention is to take on a craft every couple of months until I am a badass mother crafter.  Take that Pinterest!

Oh, and here's the finished project.

Trying...

Let's think about this for a minute.  

"It is common sense to take a method and try it.  If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something."  Franklin D. Roosevelt.

"I have learned that the success is to be measured  not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he as had to overcome while trying to succeed."  Booker T. Washington

I think sometimes we use inspirational quotes like these to make us feel better when we have not had the success we were so determined to achieve.  For some, Franklin Roosevelt and Booker T. Washington will inspire you to try again...maybe the same thing in a new way, maybe something new altogether.  There are others who will hear these words and think, "Oh well.  I tried." and walk away.  I am a member of the first group.

I will not give up.  I am braver than I believe, stronger than I seem and smarter than I think.  I have never regretted trying. Because when I try and fail, I do not give up.  But I already said that.  So, to the pile of brainy thoughts for the day, I give you this:

"What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?" Vincent van Gogh

If you'll remember, I had a pretty lofty goal of running 1,000 miles in 2013.  Well, I am almost certain that there's no way for me to meet that goal.  Here I am on March 14 telling you this. But I am not admitting defeat or failure.  I am telling you that, while I may not reach the 1,000 mile mark, I will complete 2 or 3 half-marathons, a 10-k race, a 10-miler, and probably a few 5k races too.  So rather than saying I failed, I am choosing to look at the bigger picture.  I am 100% on track for my other two goals (taking better care of myself and being a better friend).  And I will complete all the races.  But I may not get all my training runs in. And that's OK. Because taking better care of myself also means taking care of my family.  And their needs (ok, Bryan's needs!) must come before my running.

I  my weakest running moments (and it seems there have been many lately) I have spiced up my mantra a bit.  In addition to my mantra of braver-stronger-smarter, I have added "Do or do not. There is no try."  Thanks, Yoda!

Weakness

I don't notice Bryan gaining weight.  For me, it's like adding a feather to the stack every day.  As he gets bigger, I get stronger and so gaining a pound in a month isn't really noticed in our daily activities.  Except when I carry that infant carrier/car seat in to school every day.

What I have noticed is that he's freaking heavy when I lug him around in that thing.And to make matters worse, his feet hang over the edge a little so pulling  him in and out of the seat while it's still attached in the car usually results in tangled feet, a bumped head and a few teas.  I think I have a chronic lump on the back of my head from all the bumps.  He laughs at me every time.  He has an odd sense of humor right now...the tears are mine!

Earlier this week, I got an email from Babies R Us informing me they were having a one-day cyber sale offering 20% off the brands that NEVER go on sale like Britax and BOB.  I already have the BOB stroller, but I've have the Britax Marathon car seat on my radar for about six months.  It comes highly recommended by a few of my friends and gets some of the highest safety ratings from Consumer's Report.  Imagine my delight when I learned I could save 20% on the purchase I was planning to make in two months if I did it RIGHT NOW!

So we did it.  We are now the proud owners of a big-boy, airplane compliant, really huge, rear-or front-facing, honest to goodness car seat.  The kind you don't prop in a shopping cart. The kind you have to wake your kid up to get him out of.  And Chris installed it this morning.

Bryan made his first trip to school in his big-boy car seat this morning.  And I think he loved it!  He babbled and giggled until the magic road sign that makes him fall asleep made him fall asleep.  I guess that means he likes it!  I'll post a picture this afternoon.

I think the next parental milestone for me will be the day I decide I don't have to take a bottle and the formula upstairs with me at night, just in case he gets up. Maybe next week.  

Selfishness and the Amazing Bar, and some pictures!

I have decided that if I write a book someday, that'll be the title!  And tragically, it would be non-fiction!  The good news is that the Amazing Bar is not a watering hole.  It refers to the bar of amazingness that I keep setting for myself, but more on that later.

Things are really busy around here. Between really busy work, lots of traveling, family visits (here and there),  icky winter weather (here and there), being a mom, a wife, and a nurse, it's been difficult to also find time to be a runner. The intention is made every day, but until all this snow melts, sidewalks are too icy at 6 am, leaving mid-day or pre-daycare-pickup as my other available times.  See the list above for why it's difficult to fit that all in.  But this week was three runs, each a little longer than the previous, and a long run (only 4 miles) scheduled for Saturday.

Here's the selfish part.  And I almost hate to admit this.  One of my BFFs and also my running partner (Best Running Friend or BRF) is my inspiration and my side kick.  She always manages to push me to run a little longer and a little faster. She has three kids, the youngest is only 4 months! She's amazing.  And if she can do it, then what's my excuse?  Yep. I don't have one!!  Unfortunately, the new baby stirred up trouble while she was on the inside and made Lisa's gallbladder go bad. She had emergency surgery this week to have it removed. My first question was "Are you alright?"  My second question was "Do you need anything? Help with the kids? Food?" And my third question was "When can you run again?"  Really?  She's in the ER waiting to be admitted for surgery and I asked her when she can run again.  S-H-E-L-F-I-S-H!!! I quickly realized my gaff and followed up with "I will miss you. Can we still have girl time when you are back on your feet?"  Good recovery, right?  Sigh.  I hope it was good anyway.

As for the amazing bar.  Well, Pinterest has ruined me forever and ever and ever and has caused me to set the bar of amazing so high that I end up feeling less than successful much of the time.  It's a character flaw, I suppose.  Oh, and I SUCK at arts & crafts making the amazing bar impossible to live up to! My skill level is so bad that in 3rd grade my art teacher told the whole class to buy me an eraser for Christmas. A day that probably ruined me for life and has prevented me from ever really trying again.  Until now.  Thanks to stupid Pinterest and new mommyhood.  There's something about being a mom that makes me really want to try again. I will get better over time, right?  I have a great imagination.  I have had some great conceptual ideas that someone else has always brought to life. But now it's all on me.  Wish me luck! I'll post pictures as the projects are complete! I have faith that the amount of love that goes into the projects will more than compensate for their lack of prettiness!

Now, onto a lighter note.  Bryan is mobile. I mean, not just crawling mobile...that started a month ago, but crawling at light-speed, pulling up on EVERYTHING, walking around things, and now he's climbing stairs. YIKES!  I still haven't baby proofed the kitchen!  Here's hoping he doesn't find the mandolin stored in the island!  Here are some pictures from February.  It's hard to believe he's only 13 days away from 11 months!  We've had to switch his formula to soy in that the pediatrician thinks maybe many of the ailments (and refusal to eat) was because of a dairy sensitivity...we aren't calling it an allergy yet!  At the end of January he had dipped into the 10th percentile in each of his measurements, which was of concern in that he was born in the 50th.  But we are on track to have a 20+lb 12-month old!  He weighed in at 19 lbs, 9 oz this week!  Nice work, Nuggs!!

Just like his Papa, Nugget loves raw potatoes! Sans salt, of course!

Hey, Mom! Don't look. I want to climb these while you aren't looking!

First you put your leg up!  He got up three steps before he decided to sit down. Thankfully I was there to catch him. That could have been a MAJOR disaster!

Just chillin' with his Nana! This is my favorite shirt. He's the Hockey MVP! I keep buying it in the next size up! And apparently I make him wear it a lot!!

This is my new favorite picture. Two little teeth (Now he has these 2 plus 2 that broke through on the top!), his thumb, and Frasier (his flat giraffe) hanging out in the car seat that we are moving him out of this weekend! Where has the time gone?  As a dear family friend said to me, "The days are  long, but the years are short."  Thanks, Sue! I remind myself to enjoy each moment in that tomorrow is a new adventure and a clean slate and he'll never be today's age again.